Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Glass Eye! Glass Eye!

We kind of have mixed emotions here. On the one hand we follow the San Diego Chargers. In fact, we were so pleased with Sunday night's victory over the Denver Broncos that we almost said no to those last three fingers of Jameson. Almost.

On the other hand we like to laugh at the misfortune of the Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders. And the Raiders firing of Mike Shanahan, followed by his team soundly throttling the Raiders practically every time they play is pretty amusing.

We are happy at the Shanahan firing for one reason. Foot-Long Dodger wife has, purely through anecdotal evidence, determined that Mike Shanahan uses a certain prosthetic appliance. And every time he is shown during an NFL broadcast Mrs. Foot-Long Dodger Blog is compelled to scream, "Glass Eye! Glass Eye!"

Hopefully his next job is outside of the AFC West.

You be the judge.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Furcal to Return in 2009

Like a good eBayer, Ned moved in and sniped a slightly used Rafael Furcal auction. This was an imperative for the Dodgers. And in no way should the shopping list be called completed. Time to find some power Ned.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Furcal Wants to be a Dodger

Tim Brown says Rafael Furcal is nearing a decision. Of course if he wanted to chase the bread, he would have already signed with Oakland. And Kansas City? That's kind of like moving to Barstow. You don't choose Kansas City, you end up there.

We're ambivalent here. We love Furcal when he's healthy, which hasn't been often. But if Ned doesn't sign Furcal,
look for Jack Wilson in Dodger blue. Therein (therein?) lies the problem. If Colletti doesn't want to pay Furcal, what sense does it make to pay 75 percent of his asking price to a dude that's not even half the player?

Jon Weisman says the Dodgers should address their outfield woes rather than concentrate on Furcal. Our question: why can't they do both?

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Does Anybody Have Ross Porter's Number?

By now everyone knows that the Dodgers are looking for some help on the TV broadcast. Of course we knew that before Tom Hoffarth told us that Charley Steiner was relegated to the full-time radio gig.

Read into this however you may, but the Dodgers have decided that having a consistent radio broadcast team means Charley Steiner won't be doing any TV work during the 2009 season.

We've always been critical of the dumping of
Ross Porter, and say what you will of him, the Vinless portion of the Dodger broadcasts has been mediocre at best ever since. We doubt that even Porter's detractors would say it's better.

As former flackers we recognize the opportunity here for the McCourts to drum up some good pub and improve the broadcast by bringing Porter back to the Dodger family. After all, whoever (whomever?) gets the job is going to be the guy who'll likely assume the reigns in post Vin Scully Dodgerdom (we literally cry ourselves to sleep every night at that thought) and that tends to go badly. Ask
Paul Sunderland.

The PR gaffes under the McCourt regime have been numerous and mostly funny.
How about the time they called during Dodgertalk to complain that the hosts were (host was?) not sympathetic enough to the team? Seriously guys, nobody likes a homer. And what is the reason that Frank McCourt needs to shove his mug into more cameras than Villaraigosa? They do know that having him as the face of the franchise damages the brand, right?

That was an aside (digression?). Here's the deal. We know it won't be Porter. Although if it were, we'd want it written into his deal that he got to drag his nuts across Frank McCourt's lips one time as a repayment for the professional disrespect he endured. We don't mind Jim "Watty" Watson or Bill "Billy Mac" McDonald. Those dudes are pros with LA cred. Just remember -
nobody likes a homer.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Ned Colletti Thinks it's 1996

Not content to let those chardonnay sipping elitists in Frisco monopolize every past-his-prime-never-was ballplayer in the NL West, our boy Ned is reportedly interested in Omar Vizquel as a fallback option at shortstop.

For the Dodgers? The Los Angeles Dodgers? In 2009? Not Omar Vizquel Jr., but the actual Omar Vizquel? We're talking about the older gentleman that used to be a major league shortstop? Did he learn how to throw the knuckleball?

Tony Jackson:

He clearly would be nothing more than a fallback plan if the club doesn't sign Rafael Furcal, he'll turn 42 in April, and he hasn't hit better than .250 in three years. But he IS an 11-time Gold Glove winner and would be another excellent addition to the clubhouse. He also would shore up the SS position for a year until Ivan De Jesus is ready, although he wouldn't come close to providing the offense Furcal did.


Vizquel had outgrown his usefulness the first time Ned signed him - in 2005. On what planet is Omar Vizquel a more appealing "fallback" than Chin-Lung Hu?

Sabean has to be laughing at this one.


Diamond Leung says no:

Colletti indicated the team wasn't looking at free-agent shortstop Omar Vizquel as an option.

Damn. So close.


Tony Jackson got some bad info:

By the way, I got bad info earlier. The Dodgers are NOT interested in Omar Vizquel.

So much bullshit comes out of those meetings, still it's something one easily could see Ned doing.

Sabathia Gets Paid

According to everyone CC Sabathia is getting crazy money to go to the Yankees.

We're way too lazy and dumb to understand WHIP and ERA+ and BABIP. However, we do know fat. CC Sabathia is fat. He also threw a ridiculous amount of innings last season which makes for a bad combo. Don't get us wrong he's probably got a couple of nice years left, but a fat 28-year-old dude can get by on his youth. A fat 32-year-old dude no longer has youth on his side. Just ask Andruw Jones.

And nobody need remind us that Babe Ruth was also very fat. David Wells and Charles Barkley are pretty fat too. We're generally pro obesity, particularly when it comes to professional athletes.
Terry Forster and John Kruk are two of our favorites (we've been scouring YouTube for the Late Night clip with Forster eating a sandwich). We're just saying that if we were to invest $160 million in a dude, we'd prefer he not be fat.

Of course we root for a team that signs old, kinda fat, and
definitely injured dudes.

Couldn't find the clip we wanted, but this one's pretty good.

This Simply Cannot be True

What's the big deal with signing a free agent power pitcher with a torn rotator cuff? Oh by the way his current team is making no attempt to resign him. Don't sweat it - we've got insurance!

From Bill Shaikin:

"At the time the Dodgers entered into the policy with ACE," the suit reads, "both the Dodgers and ACE were aware that Mr. Schmidt had for some time during his career with the San Francisco Giants been suffering from a partial tear of the rotator cuff in his right [pitching] shoulder."

We're not sure why, but we love this story. How many people had to sign off on this deal? What's the premium to insure a $47 million contract on a dude that's already injured?

We're starting to love the Cabal of Ineptitude.

Your Move Mr. Sabean

I'll see your Renteria, and raise you one Casey Blake. Any chance Sabean goes all in with Joe Crede?

Blake's decent enough although the price seems a bit steep. We're in the MSTI camp. If the Twins were unwilling to guarantee a third year, why didn't the Dodgers just offer two years and one dollar more than the Twins? In year three this guy's going to be old as hell, powerless and riding the pine a la Nomar.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

How Very Brian Sabean of You

Thankfully Brian Sabean is around to keep Ned from going all Brian Sabean and making deals like this. Yeah it's short on years, but Renteria is short on effort and ability. While he was a beast back in the day, that was back in the day.

For what it's worth
Keith Law likes this deal and seems to think it shows a new side of Brian Sabean. Seems like the same guy that gave all that money to Omar Vizquel.

Meet the new boss, same as the...you get it.

An Unfinished, Unedited Review of a Black Keys Show From Four Months Ago

In light of the newly released (two weeks ago) Black Keys DVD Live at the Crystal Ballroom, we thought we’d post this incomplete review of the band from back in August. Forgive our use of the term “Mouse House.” We may have been drinking. Enjoy?

You must truly love the way you look in a leather motorcycle jacket to rock one for a Black Keys show on an August night in Anaheim. We're paraphrasing our comment to Mrs. Foot-Long Dodger Blog during last night’s sweltering psychedelic swamp stomp at the Mouse House.

We’re embarrassed to admit this was our first go ‘round with the Black Keys, although we’ve been a fan since thickfreakness. Suffice it to say the band did not disappoint.

Tearing through a career-spanning set that ranged from melodic to apocalyptic, the Akron, Ohio duo exploded on to the stage and took no prisoners in a throbbing hour and a quarter set.

Dan Auerbach’s percussive finger picking (we never saw him use a pick) was a style lesson. And drummer Patrick Carney thrashed tastefully through the entire set upon a kit that we're certain will need a tune-up today.

Pretty great huh? Next time we'll keep writing, and like take notes. Check out the DVD.