Thursday, November 27, 2008

Is Ned Colletti Drunk?

Our boy Ned has demonstrated his uselessness on many occasions, but he's getting to the point of outright treason.

The question is now begged: Is Ned Colletti an double agent embedded by the chardonnay-and-sushi crew in NoCal? After all he is known to have worked there and has been seen sporting his 2002 NLCS ring (they apparently give rings for that?) around Chavez Ravine. What other reason could there be?

Who in their right mind would think it's a good idea to trade a young (read: cheap), slick fielding (read: can't hit) shortstop plus some other dudes for an old (read: old), expensive (like 7-8 million bucks) shortstop that is supposedly nice in the field (at age 32?) and - as his .312 lifetime OBP demonstrates - can't hit? Although Jack Wilson scores points with Foot-Long Dodger Blog for bearing a striking resemblance to Adam Carolla. In fact, if Colletti were to admit to the Dodger faithful that his only reason for pursuing Wilson was his Adam Carolla dopplegangery (probably not an actual, you know, word), we would wholly support the move.

It's simple economics (not that we ever took that class) Ned. Why would you exchange your inexpensive commodity for someone elses similar-but-pricey one? Especially when you have yet to determine the true value of your own?

This is an obvious attempt at sabotage. Does anyone remember Julio Lugo? At least the Dodgers got some draft compensation out of that. What better way for Brian Sabean to destroy his biggest rival than to implant a mole that operates exactly like Brian Sabean. Look for Pedro Feliz in Dodger blue at some point this season. Or this guy.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Keith Law Ranks the Top Free Agents

We can only see the top ten as we don't subscribe, but three of the top six are Dodgers. We don't have to tell you who (whom?).

I wonder if the Dodgers are seriously trying to resign any of these dudes? Is it just a forgone conclusion that Derek Lowe hates LA? Granted, his house was on the market before the end of the season. Has the flame dimmed on his torrid romance with a former Dodger beat reporter? East coast, west coast? Something tells us that D. Lowe is going to sign with whomever offers the most scratch. Just a guess.

There seems to be quite market for Rafael Furcal which doesn't bode well for Los Doyers. We love Raffy, but between the *cringe* back surgery and the possibility of other dummies err GMs driving the market upwards of five years, it's probably time to say so long.

The market for our boy Manny seems a little less clear. We still think the final deal will be in the four year range. Which would likely mean two good years and two less than good years. This guy is a generational talent. Truly the best around. And like every other player in the history of the game, he is going to sign with the team that makes the biggest offer. As much as he sucks, Ned is playing this right so far. Let's see who offers what before going all Kevin Malone and getting fleeced (fleeced?).

A couple things we'd like to see. Can we kick the tires on Teixeira as a third baseman? The guy's a beast, but we don't see the Cabal of Ineptitude hearing any such noise.

And what about that giant Adam Dunn? We don't know about stats like VORP or OPS (probably bad examples cuz it looks like Dunn totally kills it at both of those.) But we do know about home runs and not getting out and Dunn totally does those good. Plus he's only 28. Seriously, we looked it up and he's only 28. No really, he only looks old. Apparently he sucks at fielding which we think we're supposed to care about, but when a guy is guaranteed to hit a home run every third game we can't get too bummed that he moves like a statue. Plus Foot-Long Dodger Blog has like the best solution ever. Adam Dunn plays left field with Juan Pierre in his pocket! That way when a ball gets hit to left field (how often does that happen anyway?) Little Juan can jump out of his back (hip?) pocket and go catch it. Best. Idea. Ever.

Friday, November 14, 2008



We're not sure we want to live in a world where FJM ceases to exist and these dudes thrive.

So long guys.