Breaking News: City of Boston More Jealous than High School Chick

We are almost positive that JD Drew used to play for the Dodgers, although it's kind of tough to remember since it was like two (three?) seasons ago.  We tend to save our memories for iconic Dodgers like Tripp Cromer and Chad Fonville.  But we checked (lie) and sure enough Drew and his Bible (low blow) chillaxed in right field at the Ravine for a couple of pretty solid (we're guessing?) seasons.  


Our memory jogged by Maker's Mark, we even recall that Drew left under curious circumstances by exercising an opt out clause in his deal that caused The Piece (sorry Ned) to pretty much lose his mind.  In fact, Drew's decision to opt out left the Dodgers kind of fucked and indirectly led to the biggest boner (boner?) in Dodger history, the signing of Andruw (Andrew!) Jones (you're finally off the hook Delino).  And as we recall, (barely) Drew quickly signed with the Boston Red Sox after only a short period of free agency prompting some folks in LA to whisper the word "tampering."  

The point is that JD Drew should be persona non grata (is that Latin?) in LA, but no one here even remembers him.  Somehow Dodger fans moved on.  That brings us to Boston.  The city that was so sick of Manny Ramirez that they dumped him on the hapless Dodgers for free.  Good riddance they said, we like Jason Bay better anyway.  We'll they're so happy to be rid of Manny, that more than a year later, they're still talking about him...angrily.

Old Bob Ryan (and by old we mean voted for Grover Cleveland, attended the last supper, etc.) is laughing and pointing at Los Angeles in that "I told you so" sort of way usually reserved for insanely jealous high school chicks.  And even better, he's teamed up with some columnist from the thing that used to be the LA Times.  Together they make the point (we'll give them the benefit of the doubt) that the bloom is off the Manny rose and that LA is sick of his malingering and he's lazy and he sucks and oh by the way, we told you so.   

Manny Mania seems to have subsided.

I enter into evidence as Exhibit A yesterday’s Los Angeles Times Page 2 submission by general columnist Steve Lopez, a Dodgers partial season ticket-holder. Mr. Lopez is offering both of his World Series tickets (if) to the reader who writes the best 50-word, as Lopez calls it, “sermon’’ to Manny Ramírez, who, it seems, has reverted to his legendary slothful ways.

Manny Ramírez 2009 .290/.418/.531/.949.  Despite the fact that he served a 50 game suspension he leads the team with the best record in the National League in OBP, SLG, OPS, intentional walks and some other stuff that we're too "slothful" to research.  What a lazy piece of shit. 

“Ramírez outdid himself,’’ wrote Lopez. “A ball skidded past him and he barely moved to get it. He jogged. He slummed. He might as well have thumbed his nose at all the plumbers and teachers and gardeners who paid hard-earned money to get into the park.’’And, of course, we know it wasn’t an isolated incident. We in Boston have been there before.

Anectdotal evidence!  That's totally our favorite kind!  He didn't chase a ball fast enough, and the plumbers are pissed.  Look we get it, Manny Ramirez is a very polarizing figure.  But seriously Boston, get over it.  Players change teams all the time.  Dodger fans aren't all hurt that JD Drew left.  We never burned Steve Garvey in effigy.  Stop being so bitter about Manny.  After all he's just a lazy, me-first juicer anyway.

Weisman: Foot-Long Dodger Blog is Right

We agree. Although we favor Andre Ethier slightly.

We also like the tongue-so-firmly-in-cheek-that-it-connotes-deformity nod to Juan Pierre's Dodger MVP candidacy. Side note: is there anything more condescending than calling something "cute?" Love it. Although we think a certain Los Angeles sportswriter might not get the joke. The countdown to Bill Plaschke's Pierre for MVP column starts now.

Dear Andre, We're Officially Gay for You

For a guy that pretty much gets worked in every trade he makes, Ned Colletti still gets a pass for the one deal in which he clearly won. Ned we forgive you for Lance Carter, Danys Baez and Julio Lugo. Well, not really. Those trades were colossally dopey, even for Ned. The fact that the Dodgers were able to get anything for Milton Bradley when the whole world knew he had to go is amazing. But Andre Ethier? He was a known commodity, an outfielder with tremendous upside.

Manny Ramirez is arguably the best right-handed hitter of his generation, and Matt Kemp is one of the most talented players to don the blue in recent memory. But there's something about Ethier. Those other guys are so good that they make it seem too easy. Ethier gives off the vibe that he is getting everything out of his ability. Maybe its the streakiness, the slumps? Do his struggles make his successes that much more savory? We don't like to get all "heart and soul" with it, but with apologies to all you Russell Martin fans - Ethier is it. Don't give us the numbers. We'll do it like Plaschke, with our eyes and superior reasoning. Ladies and gentlemen (ladies?) your 2009 Los Angeles Dodgers MVP, Andre Ethier.

I See the Dodgers and They Look Scared

Some crappy Frisco sportswriter apparently over served on ballpark chardonnay is yipping about how the Dodgers are scared of the Giants stable of “aces.”

The standings aren't appreciably different, but for the Giants, the division title is now officially in play. And that's not a writer's opinion. You can bet that comes straight from the Dodgers' clubhouse.

Journalism baby, he’s got an inside source. This guy’s old school. Either that or he skimmed a shitty column by another know-nothing sportswriter. Check. So the Dodgers are scared of the Giants because of Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain. No doubt those guys are pretty tough, aces even. Oh wait, you’re talking about someone else…on the Giants?

If the Dodgers caught any of the Giants-Phillies series on television, they watched two back-of-the-rotation starters, Jonathan Sanchez and Brad Penny, throw masterful games against the defending world champions in a bandbox ballpark. Penny's performance was downright mind-blowing last night, and while no one expects him to throw eight shutout innings every time out, there's no puzzle about his fastball (96-97 mph at its best last night), his curveball or his competitive nature.

Who cares about Penny’s fastball? We’re more impressed that despite a lazy eye, beer belly, limited intelligence and redneck tendencies this guy was able to bang Eliza Dushku. That is mind blowing.

Watching Penny last night, I got the same feeling I had when Jason Schmidt made his debut in a Giants uniform.

Is it a tingling in the loins or more of a burn? This guy really loves Penny. Turns out the Giants pitchers are so good that despite trailing the Dodgers in every significant statistical category including wins and losses, they can’t even decide which pitcher to use to dominate them.

As we speak, the Giants have five guys pitching like aces. They wouldn't hesitate to start any of them in a make-or-break game (although Tim Lincecum, who goes tonight, would be the obvious preference).

World Series Game 7, is Bochy giving the ball to his Cy Young winner or the fat guy that just got released? Who cares? After all, they have FIVE aces. Lincecum shmincecum (shmincecum?) The Giants should just let him take off for the rest of the season. They obviously don’t need him. They have Brad Penny now.

The Dodgers? Well, they have no aces. Nothing even close. Chad Billingsley had that role for a while, and he was looking the part, but when the Diamondbacks roughed him up for a four-run, six-hit inning last night, it meant Billingsley's 11th loss in his last 14 starts, with a 5.24 ERA. Billingsley didn't pitch all that badly, especially early (retiring the first 12 hitters), but he did give up a two-run homer to Brandon Allen.

The emperor has no clothes! He allowed a home run. Never mind that Kershaw’s been practically unhittable in the second half and Randy Wolf is pitching with massive dollar signs (probably from the Giants) in his eyes.

Whoever takes the mound for the Dodgers these days -- Billingsley, Randy Wolf, Clayton Kershaw, Vicente Padilla, Jon Garland, knuckleballer Charlie Haeger -- you're not looking at an ace. More like a prayer. Any time Wolf (9-6, 3.25) becomes your mainstay, you're in serious trouble.

I sense a duplicity here - hypocrisy even. You see the Giants have “five guys pitching like aces,” but if the Dodgers need to rely on Randy Wolf they’re clearly fucked.

Linceceum and Cain are a pretty solid one-two punch, so solid in fact that if the playoffs were to start today…wait…the Giants are in third place? Why the fuck did we waste the last 45 minutes writing this shitty post then? Frisco’s pitching is so dominant that they’ll be on the couch with us watching that weak (read: best in the league) Dodger pitching staff try to win the World Series. Don't worry guys, Foot-Long Dodger wife makes killer chicken wings and we always stock the good NoCal craft brews. Gotta love sportswriters.

Breaking News: Bill Plaschke is a Total Douche

Phil Wallace who contributes to Native Intelligence at LA Observed takes a look at our friend Bill Plaschke through the prism of his schizophrenic Matt Kemp coverage.

Everyone knows that the LA Times has the worst sports columnists around, and Plaschke is for our money the crappiest of the bunch. Although Kurt Streeter is also horrible, but we haven't been subjected to him for nearly as long. At least TJ Simers - who is useless - has a formula (albeit a dreadfully tired one) and sticks to it. Plaschke's opinion seems to change with the breeze and Wallace demonstrates this in detail.

Why are newspaper's dying? Partly because they tend to hitch their wagons to crabby old blowhards like these dudes.

How About Pierre for Pujols?

Bill Shaikin's proposed trade for Roy Halladay is doubtlessly a pipe dream, although we'd pull the trigger in a heart beat (heartbeat?). What's interesting here is that someone in the Los Angeles media will actually broach the topic of trading Russell Martin. We all know how those dudes at the LA Times get all misty eyed when it comes to heart-and-soul, dick-in-the-dirt types of guys like Martin. Bill Plaschke still gets all weepy when the ghost of Paul LoDuca haunts his column. After all, how dumb was it to trade a decent catcher due a big payday and a statistical decline for a front of the rotation starting pitcher? How soon we forget, LoDuca hustled!

So here the Dodgers sit wondering what it would take to make a serious run at Roy Halladay. The name Clayton Kershaw gets bandied about often, probably by J.P. Ricciardi. But trading your second best starter for your first best starter seems like a weak net result when the bottom line is a World Series. And let's be clear, the Dodgers don't have a GM with the sack to do a big deal like this. This package might not get you a Halladay, but would it get you Jake Peavy? It definitely won't get you Cliff Lee. The Indians are pretty stocked at catcher (thanks in part to our boy Ned.) All this trade discussion is pointless anyway. We'll sum it up with this: if a starting pitcher could be had for the scant price of a league average catcher, you do it. Even if he hustles.

You're Dumb if You Don't Hate Manny

We told you so.

Jayson (with a Y) Stark wants you to know how dumb you are for not having his opinion. He even invited some professorial type dudes to try to figure out why we're all so dumb.

We're just a bunch of dumb dummies.

Anything Going on Tonight?

Hooray for sanctimonious sportswriters!

As we celebrate the return of Manny Ramirez (and a certain genius Dodgers blog - you know we mean this one, right?) sportswriters - not just Plaschke - are getting all high-and-mighty with it again. So look for a lot of "this is bad for baseball," and "Manny shouldn't be in the All Star Game" and our personal favorite the dreaded "he's not getting my Hall of Fame vote!" Not to get too existential here, but can a Hall of Fame without Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez and Manny Ramirez still be called the Hall of Fame?

On another note, go buy the new Wilco record.