Friday, September 4, 2009

I See the Dodgers and They Look Scared

Some crappy Frisco sportswriter apparently over served on ballpark chardonnay is yipping about how the Dodgers are scared of the Giants stable of “aces.”

The standings aren't appreciably different, but for the Giants, the division title is now officially in play. And that's not a writer's opinion. You can bet that comes straight from the Dodgers' clubhouse.
Journalism baby, he’s got an inside source. This guy’s old school. Either that or he skimmed a shitty column by another know-nothing sportswriter. Check. So the Dodgers are scared of the Giants because of Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain. No doubt those guys are pretty tough, aces even. Oh wait, you’re talking about someone else…on the Giants?

If the Dodgers caught any of the Giants-Phillies series on television, they watched two back-of-the-rotation starters, Jonathan Sanchez and Brad Penny, throw masterful games against the defending world champions in a bandbox ballpark. Penny's performance was downright mind-blowing last night, and while no one expects him to throw eight shutout innings every time out, there's no puzzle about his fastball (96-97 mph at its best last night), his curveball or his competitive nature.
Who cares about Penny’s fastball? We’re more impressed that despite a lazy eye, beer belly, limited intelligence and redneck tendencies this guy was able to bang Eliza Dushku. That is mind blowing.

Watching Penny last night, I got the same feeling I had when Jason Schmidt made his debut in a Giants uniform.
Is it a tingling in the loins or more of a burn? This guy really loves Penny. Turns out the Giants pitchers are so good that despite trailing the Dodgers in every significant statistical category including wins and losses, they can’t even decide which pitcher to use to dominate them.

As we speak, the Giants have five guys pitching like aces. They wouldn't hesitate to start any of them in a make-or-break game (although Tim Lincecum, who goes tonight, would be the obvious preference).
World Series Game 7, is Bochy giving the ball to his Cy Young winner or the fat guy that just got released? Who cares? After all, they have FIVE aces. Lincecum shmincecum (shmincecum?) The Giants should just let him take off for the rest of the season. They obviously don’t need him. They have Brad Penny now.

The Dodgers? Well, they have no aces. Nothing even close. Chad Billingsley had that role for a while, and he was looking the part, but when the Diamondbacks roughed him up for a four-run, six-hit inning last night, it meant Billingsley's 11th loss in his last 14 starts, with a 5.24 ERA. Billingsley didn't pitch all that badly, especially early (retiring the first 12 hitters), but he did give up a two-run homer to Brandon Allen.
The emperor has no clothes! He allowed a home run. Never mind that Kershaw’s been practically unhittable in the second half and Randy Wolf is pitching with massive dollar signs (probably from the Giants) in his eyes.

Whoever takes the mound for the Dodgers these days -- Billingsley, Randy Wolf, Clayton Kershaw, Vicente Padilla, Jon Garland, knuckleballer Charlie Haeger -- you're not looking at an ace. More like a prayer. Any time Wolf (9-6, 3.25) becomes your mainstay, you're in serious trouble.
I sense a duplicity here - hypocrisy even. You see the Giants have “five guys pitching like aces,” but if the Dodgers need to rely on Randy Wolf they’re clearly fucked.

Linceceum and Cain are a pretty solid one-two punch, so solid in fact that if the playoffs were to start today…wait…the Giants are in third place? Why the fuck did we waste the last 45 minutes writing this shitty post then? Frisco’s pitching is so dominant that they’ll be on the couch with us watching that weak (read: best in the league) Dodger pitching staff try to win the World Series. Don't worry guys, Foot-Long Dodger wife makes killer chicken wings and we always stock the good NoCal craft brews. Gotta love sportswriters.

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