Is Ned Colletti Drunk?

Our boy Ned has demonstrated his uselessness on many occasions, but he's getting to the point of outright treason.

The question is now begged: Is Ned Colletti an double agent embedded by the chardonnay-and-sushi crew in NoCal? After all he is known to have worked there and has been seen sporting his 2002 NLCS ring (they apparently give rings for that?) around Chavez Ravine. What other reason could there be?

Who in their right mind would think it's a good idea to trade a young (read: cheap), slick fielding (read: can't hit) shortstop plus some other dudes for an old (read: old), expensive (like 7-8 million bucks) shortstop that is supposedly nice in the field (at age 32?) and - as his .312 lifetime OBP demonstrates - can't hit? Although Jack Wilson scores points with Foot-Long Dodger Blog for bearing a striking resemblance to Adam Carolla. In fact, if Colletti were to admit to the Dodger faithful that his only reason for pursuing Wilson was his Adam Carolla dopplegangery (probably not an actual, you know, word), we would wholly support the move.

It's simple economics (not that we ever took that class) Ned. Why would you exchange your inexpensive commodity for someone elses similar-but-pricey one? Especially when you have yet to determine the true value of your own?

This is an obvious attempt at sabotage. Does anyone remember Julio Lugo? At least the Dodgers got some draft compensation out of that. What better way for Brian Sabean to destroy his biggest rival than to implant a mole that operates exactly like Brian Sabean. Look for Pedro Feliz in Dodger blue at some point this season. Or this guy.

Keith Law Ranks the Top Free Agents

We can only see the top ten as we don't subscribe, but three of the top six are Dodgers. We don't have to tell you who (whom?).

I wonder if the Dodgers are seriously trying to resign any of these dudes? Is it just a forgone conclusion that Derek Lowe hates LA? Granted, his house was on the market before the end of the season. Has the flame dimmed on his torrid romance with a former Dodger beat reporter? East coast, west coast? Something tells us that D. Lowe is going to sign with whomever offers the most scratch. Just a guess.

There seems to be quite market for Rafael Furcal which doesn't bode well for Los Doyers. We love Raffy, but between the *cringe* back surgery and the possibility of other dummies err GMs driving the market upwards of five years, it's probably time to say so long.

The market for our boy Manny seems a little less clear. We still think the final deal will be in the four year range. Which would likely mean two good years and two less than good years. This guy is a generational talent. Truly the best around. And like every other player in the history of the game, he is going to sign with the team that makes the biggest offer. As much as he sucks, Ned is playing this right so far. Let's see who offers what before going all Kevin Malone and getting fleeced (fleeced?).

A couple things we'd like to see. Can we kick the tires on Teixeira as a third baseman? The guy's a beast, but we don't see the Cabal of Ineptitude hearing any such noise.

And what about that giant Adam Dunn? We don't know about stats like VORP or OPS (probably bad examples cuz it looks like Dunn totally kills it at both of those.) But we do know about home runs and not getting out and Dunn totally does those good. Plus he's only 28. Seriously, we looked it up and he's only 28. No really, he only looks old. Apparently he sucks at fielding which we think we're supposed to care about, but when a guy is guaranteed to hit a home run every third game we can't get too bummed that he moves like a statue. Plus Foot-Long Dodger Blog has like the best solution ever. Adam Dunn plays left field with Juan Pierre in his pocket! That way when a ball gets hit to left field (how often does that happen anyway?) Little Juan can jump out of his back (hip?) pocket and go catch it. Best. Idea. Ever.

Bummer

Noooo!

We're not sure we want to live in a world where FJM ceases to exist and these dudes thrive.

So long guys.

Manny Being Manny

Found via LA Observed, this April 2007 piece from Ben McGrath of the New Yorker. Although it's pretty entertaining, there's probably nothing new here. The dude is basically a hitting savant that tends to be a bit flighty.

A Hint About 2009

A disturbing little tidbit from a guy with some L.A. credibility.

From Tim Brown:

Sources who ought to know don’t seem to believe Colletti, who is under contract through next season, is in imminent danger of losing his job.

Sigh (puts hands in pockets and kicks at dirt.) Great (makes deal with God to quit masturbating for a year if he will only smite Ned Colletti from the Dodger front office...immediately realizes this same deal was made - and broken - twice last week. Wait...what? Refocuses.)

There's still hope. It's unlikely that this team will make the playoffs. And if they do, they're not going to the World Series. And if they go to World Series, they're not going to win. And if they win the World Series...wait, what?

With Colletti back next year look for the Dodgers to pick up somebody like Bobby Abreu, because everyone knows Andre Ethier can't hit lefties and Matt Kemp doesn't listen. Jeff Kent will certainly be brought back for a farewell tour, and if he decides to retire Ray Durham's available. Is Pedro Feliz a free agent? No matter. He can be had for only two or three B-grade arms.

2009 is going to be awesome.

Breaking News: Jeff Kent is a Prick

Jeff Kent grew up in Orange County, which is usually reason enough to go to the mat for a dude. Not to mention his unironic 'stache rocks harder (rocks harder?) than Harry Reems'. But Jesus frickin' Christ, it's Vin Scully. Vin freakin' Scully. Vin Scully? Is Simers' next column going to highlight Kent's distaste for cancer kids? Does The 'Stache club baby seals in the off season?

Maybe it's just his ham handed way of explaining Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc? He just wanted to demonstrate that just because his 40-year-old bat seemed to come alive after the acquisition of the most feared right-handed bat of this generation, that doesn't mean that his 40-year-old bat came alive because of the acquisition of the most feared right-handed bat of this generation. And oh by the way, fuck Vin Scully. Duly noted. He did go to Berkeley, right?

Breaking News: McCourt Not Worst MLB Owner

From Newsday via SPORTSbyBROOKS:

26. Frank McCourt, Dodgers. There have to be days when Joe Torre thinks to himself, "I miss the Steinbrenners. Shoot, I even miss Randy Levine." Yes, Joe must be happier now with Manny Ramirez aboard, but that spoke largely to dumb luck, rather than any vision on the Dodgers' parts. McCourt has exhibited an itchy trigger finger on GMs and managers, and while he has spent money (poorly, on GM Ned Colletti's bad recommendations) over the past few winters, he refused to take on salary during the season. Very odd.

While it's hard to put much stock into a list that has Jerry Reinsdorf near the top - Do you get credit for winning the World Series if you do it despite trading Carlos Lee for Scott Podsednick? - 26 seems like a good spot for Fox Redux.

The McCourt/Colletti Cabal of Ineptitude has no apparent plan and as a result is losing valuable hearts, eyes and dollars to the other Los Angeles. And replacing The Piece with Larry Lucchino or Theo Epstein or freakin' Branch Rickey (he was good, right?) is not the answer unless you have a plan. Whomever (whoever?) McCourt hires needs to have a plan (can you say philosophy if it's just baseball?) and be given the room to run with it. Kinda like what The Robot was doing.

Get your mug out of the camera Frank. Don't worry, if the team wins you'll get the credit. Until then, you get the blame.

And by the way, the Dodgers just swept four from the Phillies.

The Hits Just Keep on Comin'

From Tony Jackson:

The Dodgers are believed to be in discussions with the Washington Nationals about a possible trade that would bring veteran infielder Ronnie Belliard to Los Angeles. The Nationals withdrew Belliard from the waiver wire after at least one team, the Dodgers, put in a claim on him. But because the Dodgers were the team that would have acquired Belliard, by rules, the Nationals still can trade him to that club.

For Real?

Is there a shitty utility man that is not currently on the Dodgers roster? Is Bob Bailor available?

Not that it needs to be elucidated, but this is why The Piece sucks so bad. Here's a guy that can't crack the lineup on the worst team in the league, AND has another year on his deal for the bargain price of $2 million. How can you not sign him? That way he can block the progress of Chin-Lung Hu for the rest of this season and all of next year.

What's even better is that Jim Bowden, who might be the biggest toolbox in the league were it not for Colletti, realizes he's got a live one, and rather than let Belliard go for the contract relief is going to weasel a prospect out of the deal.

Unless the deal includes any combination of Juan Pierre, Andruw (Andruw?) Jones or the money owed to Esteban Loaiza...oh never mind.

Update from Dylan Hernandez:

...The Dodgers put in a waiver claim on Ronnie Belliard, making it possible for them to acquire the second baseman from Washington in a trade. But it appears the Dodgers made the move to prevent Belliard from going to Arizona, which lost Orlando Hudson for the season...

You're off the hook Ned. But it's still the kind of move you'd pull. Although why block this move? Belliard's not good and your rival wants him. Apparently worth it for the gamesmanship. Should've blocked than Dunn deal. Not like Cincy's going to dump him on you.

If I Had My Way, I Would Tear This Whole Building Down

Manny has finally cut his dreads..sort of. Everyone knows that ballplayers are superstitious, and this blog loves ManRam. But this is a blessing. That is the most bootleg collection of dreads known to man. Those things can't come off quick enough.

Forget those dreads and get with these.