Plaschke: Dodgers are Pussies

48 paragraphs.
A couple as long as three sentences.  
His thesis: the Dodgers better not be afraid to throw inside.
Uh...ok?
Does he get paid for this?

For Sale: Five-Tool Center Fielder, Lefty Phenom and Anything Else Not Nailed to Stadium Floor

While we have long advocated that Frank McCourt follow the John Moores model of ownership, apparently we should have been more clear.  Our thinking was that owners should sign checks in seclusion from atop their ever growing pile of cash and not shove their giant grinning mugs in every available camera.  But just like Foot-Long parents, Foot-Long wife and Foot-Long children, McCourt completely missed the point.

Dodger fans had better hope to finish the job this year because just like John and Becky, there is trouble in Frank and Jamie's paradise as they have announced their separation.  Unless Frank has a few more parking lots with which to settle this divorce, the Dodgers could soon be relegated to the Kansas City, Pittsburgh and San Diego second division.

 

Breaking News: City of Boston More Jealous than High School Chick

We are almost positive that JD Drew used to play for the Dodgers, although it's kind of tough to remember since it was like two (three?) seasons ago.  We tend to save our memories for iconic Dodgers like Tripp Cromer and Chad Fonville.  But we checked (lie) and sure enough Drew and his Bible (low blow) chillaxed in right field at the Ravine for a couple of pretty solid (we're guessing?) seasons.  


Our memory jogged by Maker's Mark, we even recall that Drew left under curious circumstances by exercising an opt out clause in his deal that caused The Piece (sorry Ned) to pretty much lose his mind.  In fact, Drew's decision to opt out left the Dodgers kind of fucked and indirectly led to the biggest boner (boner?) in Dodger history, the signing of Andruw (Andrew!) Jones (you're finally off the hook Delino).  And as we recall, (barely) Drew quickly signed with the Boston Red Sox after only a short period of free agency prompting some folks in LA to whisper the word "tampering."  

The point is that JD Drew should be persona non grata (is that Latin?) in LA, but no one here even remembers him.  Somehow Dodger fans moved on.  That brings us to Boston.  The city that was so sick of Manny Ramirez that they dumped him on the hapless Dodgers for free.  Good riddance they said, we like Jason Bay better anyway.  We'll they're so happy to be rid of Manny, that more than a year later, they're still talking about him...angrily.

Old Bob Ryan (and by old we mean voted for Grover Cleveland, attended the last supper, etc.) is laughing and pointing at Los Angeles in that "I told you so" sort of way usually reserved for insanely jealous high school chicks.  And even better, he's teamed up with some columnist from the thing that used to be the LA Times.  Together they make the point (we'll give them the benefit of the doubt) that the bloom is off the Manny rose and that LA is sick of his malingering and he's lazy and he sucks and oh by the way, we told you so.   

Manny Mania seems to have subsided.

I enter into evidence as Exhibit A yesterday’s Los Angeles Times Page 2 submission by general columnist Steve Lopez, a Dodgers partial season ticket-holder. Mr. Lopez is offering both of his World Series tickets (if) to the reader who writes the best 50-word, as Lopez calls it, “sermon’’ to Manny Ramírez, who, it seems, has reverted to his legendary slothful ways.

Manny Ramírez 2009 .290/.418/.531/.949.  Despite the fact that he served a 50 game suspension he leads the team with the best record in the National League in OBP, SLG, OPS, intentional walks and some other stuff that we're too "slothful" to research.  What a lazy piece of shit. 

“Ramírez outdid himself,’’ wrote Lopez. “A ball skidded past him and he barely moved to get it. He jogged. He slummed. He might as well have thumbed his nose at all the plumbers and teachers and gardeners who paid hard-earned money to get into the park.’’And, of course, we know it wasn’t an isolated incident. We in Boston have been there before.

Anectdotal evidence!  That's totally our favorite kind!  He didn't chase a ball fast enough, and the plumbers are pissed.  Look we get it, Manny Ramirez is a very polarizing figure.  But seriously Boston, get over it.  Players change teams all the time.  Dodger fans aren't all hurt that JD Drew left.  We never burned Steve Garvey in effigy.  Stop being so bitter about Manny.  After all he's just a lazy, me-first juicer anyway.

Breaking News: Al Davis is Insane

We have always loved the Los Angeles/Oakland Raiders.  Don't get us wrong, we root hard for them to lose every game and most Sundays we end up celebrating.  To us the Raiders are the NFL's version of Notre Dame.  Those teams have been horrific for as long as we can remember, but their fans are quick to talk about their unparalleled winning tradition.

Now the Raiders are taking it to another level.  Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle has a tremendous story about the Raiders trying to ban network broadcaster and former Raider Pro Bowl quarterback Rich Gannon from the routine pregame meeting with the coaches.  Turns out Gannon is a turncoat.
 

The Raiders tried to bar national TV analyst Rich Gannon from their headquarters, announcing that he would not be allowed to attend a meeting at which his broadcast team would prep for Sunday's Raiders-Broncos game.

These production meetings are standard fare. As far as I know, this was the first instance in NFL history of a team trying to bar a broadcaster.

Gannon, former Raiders quarterback, is considered a traitor because he has been critical of the team that is the losingest in football over the last six seasons.

Is there anything better than a crappy team seeking retribution against a former player for saying that they're a crappy team?  How is it that no one can tell Al Davis that this behavior is completely irrational?  What do the other owners say? 

We just hope that whatever has kept Al Davis alive this long keeps working, because we'll never see anything like this in professional sports again.